my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
