Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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