ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
