Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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