i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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