Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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