i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
