the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
