You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
