If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
