i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
