She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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