Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
