Since when is my name a synonym for head?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He passed out mid-signature
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
