small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
