The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
