Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
