Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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