You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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