did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
