Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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