Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
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