Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
