NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
