You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
