Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Those nachos came to me in a dream
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
