I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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