At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
