she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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