After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
