I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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