youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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