At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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