He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
