Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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