I accidentally burped into my bong.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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