Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
