you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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