did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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