Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
