I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize