wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm bleeding and have questions
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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