I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
