im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
