Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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