i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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