I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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