"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
