I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
