sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
