i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
