Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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