dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think i have two assholes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
