I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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