I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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