Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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