I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
