He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
