you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
