i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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