At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
