it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
