I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
