he referred to my room as the tit cave...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
