the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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