Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
