I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
