you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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