I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
