I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
